OCD And 2020

2020 has definitely proven to be a year full of unsettling events. A global pandemic, political unrest, racial divide, and violent riots. Where have you found yourself mentally throughout this year?

Despite the vast challenges of the year, 2020 has also proven to be one of the deepest soul searching years. At least for me! With far more time to myself amidst quarantine and shutdowns, I, like so many others, have been forced into God’s will of being still, and knowing who He is in my life.

This unexpected season of isolation has forced me to address questions and thoughts that for so long I was too busy, or too distracted, to address. Questions like: What are my callings? What are my passions? What are my talents? What is my vision? What hurdles do I still need to leap over? What path am I walking down, and where is it headed? What am I actually doing to positively impact my community? Thoughts like: I don’t have value. I am so far behind everyone else in life. I just don’t compare.

As we wrap up this unique year, I knew that I needed to face these questions and thoughts head on. So, last month I packed up and headed to Arizona and Utah for a 4 day get away into the beautiful mountains and canyons of the mid West. I spent 4 days surrounded by beautiful nature, soaking in (mostly) quiet moments. Nature has always managed to be a safe place for me to address my racing mind. And, because I believe the reminders and messages imprinted on my heart in that time truly do matter, I want to share my takeaways with you!

Mental Health Matters
We can only run away from our thoughts and mental distress for so long until it all catches up to us. This season of quarantine and stillness reminded me that it is so important to be in tune with my mental health. Why run from the obsessive thoughts, questions, insecurities, fears, or doubts when running only leads to more distress down the road? I am hopeful that the future me will look back at 2020 and say, “That was the year that I finally took control of my mental health and began actively putting mental health as a top priority in my life.”

There is Always Hope
I wonder if I am the only one who has taken comfort in the fact that literally the entire world is experiencing this pandemic together. I can’t remember a point in my life time where literally the entire world was shut down, and sharing one common experience that united us all. Despite the death, the pain, the uncertainty, the fear, this commonality has brought me great hope. But not just pandemic hope. This season has taught me that even in the absolute lowest and darkest of valleys, if we keep our eyes open we will see and experience something that will help shape us into better people. This is true for OCD as well. Good things can come from OCD and other hardships. We just have to open ourselves up to seeing that goodness, to feeling that hope.

We Are Not Alone
My heart breaks as I hear the rising statistics of suicide rights during this pandemic. I personally have heard of 3 suicides just in my social circle. And though I cannot speak for the deceased, I do sense a commonality of loneliness and isolation at the basis of these situations. But what I find interesting, is that even in their death, they were apart of a larger suicide community. What that has taught me, is that whatever we are struggling with, chances are that others around the world have experienced, are experiencing, or will experience similar struggles. But how will we know if we are unwilling to share our struggles openly? Which leads me to my last takeaway.

Awareness is Everything
Whether it is us as individuals being aware of our own struggles and needs, or being aware of the needs of others around us, we are our healthiest as a people when we are aware. Awareness does not just happen by itself. It only follows vulnerable openness. When we open up about our struggles and needs, not only do we become aware of resources to help or other people experiencing similar struggles and needs…but others become aware of our struggles and needs as well. Awareness has become my greatest mission through this blog and other platforms. I believe awareness holds the power to bring true healing, true unity, and true growth.

What has 2020 taught you? I can only hope all that we have learned and taken away from this year will lead us into a much healthier environment for 2021, despite any challenges that continue or arise.

OCD And RV Renovation

Here’s the deal y’all. With OCD, it is incredibly difficult for me to leave things unfinished. I obsess over a project until it’s finished even if I don’t get sleep until it’s done!

So, as you can imagine, the process of renovating an 11 year old RV with limited to no knowledge, is literally jumping into all kinds of exposure for my OCD. I am having to learn to adjust on the fly, accept some things (MANY things) will not be perfect even after renovation, and am having to process the fact that unexpected dilemmas will pop up along the way.

Part of the reason I avoided taking this leap of tiny house renovation for so many years, was largely due to my irrational OCD fears of the entire process. And though I still am having to daily prep myself mentally and emotional for all of these changes and unknowns and challenges, half a year into my medication and cognitive OCD therapy is making a huge difference.

This will not be an easy process. But, part of the reason I am vlogging from start to finish and sharing with you all, is because being in front of a camera helps me go into entertainment mode and that helps redirect my spinning OCD irrational fears and anxieties into something more positive, creative, and dare I say…..fun!!

Enjoy my newest video where I attempt to take out some of the original cabinets in the RV. Subscribe to my channel and follow my blog so that you don’t miss out on this adventure! It’s sure to be entertaining at the least.

OCD-Created On Purpose

Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

You might have noticed a subtle, yet significant change on my website. But because I’m assuming most of you didn’t catch the change at all, I’ll go ahead and give you the spoiler alert: I changed the subject of this blog from “Living With OCD”, to “Created on Purpose”.

Over the last few months, I have been meditating and praying over the direction of this blog leading into 2021, especially in combination with my newly launched Youtube channel. How could I possibly discuss living with OCD in a way that relates to everyone? And then, it hit me!

The core of everything I have shared up to this point, is founded on one passionate message: Despite our brokenness, despite our limitations, despite our darkness, we were created on purpose and for a purpose. We are our best selves when we are living with purpose. I believe this with everything in me.

This change represents broadening my message to more than just individuals who live with a mental disorder like OCD. I want to speak and share in ways that anyone can relate to.

What will this look like in 2021?

1-Addressing Broader Topics.
I want to go beyond conversations about OCD and cover topics that anyone can relate to.

2-Fostering Deeper Conversations.
My hope is to tackle those questions or thoughts that most try to avoid and dance around, while still occasionally incorporating my own personal journey with OCD.

3-Creating Intentional Content.
I truly want to create a more unified platform that has a tangible direction and message.

I want to thank each of you who have supported this journey in 2020. But honestly, I feel like I am just getting started as I enter the new year with a fresh vision and more intentional content. I hope you’ll continue to follow me into these new and deeper discussions. I can only do so much in this world. But together? Man, we can literally change the world around us.

Will you join me?

OCD and an RV?

What have I gotten myself into?

I have lost count of how many times I have asked myself this question over the last 5 days. It all started with a bold prayer that I wasn’t even quite ready to see in action. “Lord, I want to circle my student loan debt, my desire to adopt a child, and my passion for local and global mission efforts.”

When people say “Be careful what you pray for!”, they must be speaking from experience!

A few hours after this prayer, my Spirit began churning to the point I could not ignore the restlessness in me. Everything I laid at His feet were areas in my life that I could change, improve, and/or surrender. I began thinking about the areas of my life that seem to be so limited by OCD: intimacy/marriage, finances, and connectedness.

The idea of living in a renovated camper had entered my mind many times in the past. But due to my irrational fears, unmanaged OCD, and strict routines inside of my own home, the idea of selling nearly all of my things and living in a small RV just didn’t seem possible. But 7 months into managed OCD, the idea not only felt possible, but it began to feel like the first steps towards achieving the dreams I had laid out before God.

The next day I applied for and was accepted for a small RV loan. Within 24 hours of the loan approval, my dream RV model popped up for sale under budget in the town next to me on Facebook Market. Within 24 hours of seeing that ad pop up, I drove off the parking lot with the RV towing behind my dad’s truck.

What…a…WHIRL WIND. My mind is STILL spinning. Did I REALLY just commit to living in a tiny home that can’t even furnish 2/3 of my belongings? Did I REALLY just commit to breaking my apartment lease without a for sure place to even park the RV? Did I REALLY just commit to an entire life style and environmental change? What have I gotten myself into?!

But the answer is simple, and can be dwindled down to three words: Freedom. Adoption. Connection.

You see, OCD has stripped so much freedom, so much love, and so much connection from me. OCD has deeply affected my finances, my ability to enter a marriage relationship, and even my ability to feel connected to my surroundings. And for longer than I’d like to admit, these limitations controlled my life decisions, and owned my thoughts. But these three words have become my anthem. This anthem will soon begin to unfold as I make this huge change to RV living. Let me explain.

FREEDOM
Having graduated from a small private christian university, my student loans cost more each month than a typical house mortgage. And given the average apartment rent for a studio to one bedroom apartment is minimum $1000/month in my area, the odds of quickly getting out of debt are slim to none. UNLESS…my life style and my environment change drastically. Even the thought of being debt free and experiencing financial freedom inspires me to jump into this change. OCD and all.

ADOPTION
For years I have questioned if I am capable of being healthy in a marriage due to my OCD and how it impacts my ability to process physical intimacy. For years this uncertainty heaped up loads of anxiety, insecurity, and loneliness. UNTIL…God put on my heart the calling of adoption. My life matters. My love matters. My attention and affection matter. And to some sweet child out there, it will be their whole world pieced together to receive these things that I am able to offer someone. Knowing that RV living can help me move into a financially stable place to adopt, inspires me to jump into this change. OCD and all.

CONNECTION
I feel most connected to creation and humanity when I am participating in local and global relief efforts. Traveling and experiencing different cultures as well as nature, by far is when my mind is most at peace and connected to my surroundings. Connecting to my surroundings can be challenging because of the affects OCD has on my mind. So any and every chance I get to connect to my surroundings, I take it! The concept of having a home on wheels that can roam the country with me, and move throughout life as I do, connecting to my surroundings, well..it just about brings me to tears! And inspires me to jump into this change. OCD and all!

OCD might limit me from certain experiences in this life. But I no longer give it permission to control every aspect of my life. OCD cannot have my joy, my peace, my relationships, my purpose, or my dreams. So yes…I choose an RV life, despite OCD.

To follow my RV Life adventures, subscribe to my youtube channel ! You won’t want to miss the entertainment that comes with an OCD individual transitioning to RV living. I assure you.