Tag: mentalillness

The Future of O.C.D.

Everytime that I hear someone say, “I am SO ready for 2020 to be over”, I quickly reply with, “Well you don’t know what 2021 has in store for us yet!” And while our future is uncertain in regards to what victories and challenges we will face in the new year, we can be certain of a few things.

Today Is The Most Important Day
As special and memorable as the past is, and as exciting and hopeful as the future is, today deserves the most of our attention out of the three. We can’t change or live in the past, and we can’t control or predict the future. But with today, we can utilize what we’ve learned from the past, and form patterns and habits that set us up for a healthy future.

There Will Be Challenges
As long as their is blood pumping through our veins, and air circulating through our lungs, we are at war with the flesh. Whether sickness, death, temptation, disappointment, or trials, we are certain to endure hardship throughout 2021. Knowing this certainty, I find it of utmost importance to spend the remainder of 2020 preparing the mind and spirit for another year of endurance. Just as a military leader prepares their troops for the battle ahead, God gives us resources through His word, prayer, and community that help us prepare for the battle field ahead of us.

Good Can Come From Any Situation
If you’re like me, then you instantly thought of a few situations that surely are incapable of producing anything good. Examples that crossed my mind: A sudden and tragic loss of a child. Watching a loved one suffer and die from cancer. Suffering through a brutal war that leaves one left with PTSD. I could keep going. And though all of these situations are tragic and deserve appropriate grief, I truly do still believe that good can come from any situation. The key is to look for the good in the not so good experiences of life. Not every situation will feel good. But every situation can produce good, even if the good is simply experiencing growth, deepening of community, or an important lesson that is learned.

Let me switch gears for just a moment by saying this,

I DON’T KNOW WHAT 2021 HOLDS FOR MY O.C.D.. BUT I CAN BE CERTAIN OF A FEW THINGS:

Today Is The Most Important Day
I can’t beat myself up over the past struggles of my O.C.D., just as I can’t sit in worry about what a future of living with O.C.D. looks like. What I can do, however, is tap into the strength, self-control, community, and resources that God supplies for me this very day…while trusting that tomorrow will provide a new stream of resources and strength. He always manages to provide just what I need for today. And that’s why I can praise Him for my past victories, learn from past mistakes, and have Faith as I walk into the unknowns of the future.

There Will Be Challenges
The only certainty of 2021, is knowing that I will still have O.C.D.. There will still be challenges and struggles. How I choose to utilize my time right now can greatly determine what shape I will be in mentally, emotionally, physically, and spiritually during those inevitable struggles. I choose to be thankful for the certainty of hardship because at least I can prepare for it now.

Good Can Come From Any Situation
It has taken me several decades to find “the good” in living with a mental disorder like O.C.D. and irrational phobias that consume my mind and day to day life. But like I explained earlier, just because a situation or experience like O.C.D. doesn’t feel good, that doesn’t mean that the experience cannot produce good. Living with and through O.C.D. has given me far more compassion and empathy for others who have disabilities and disorders. Suffering through O.C.D. has created a deeper hope and longing for heaven in me. Fighting through so many years of isolated misery from O.C.D. has taught me the importance and definition of community. 

"Therefore, stop worrying about tomorrow, 
because tomorrow will worry about itself. 
Each day has enough trouble of its own."
Matthew 6:34

Instead of worrying about the uncertainties of a future filled with O.C.D., I choose to embrace what IS certain. Today is the most important day. That’s certain. I will face challenges in the future. That is certain. Good truly can come from any challenge I endure. That is certain.

What certainties will you choose to meditate on in preparation for a new year?

OCD Awareness Week

Can you imagine going 17 years through life, not knowing why you struggle with your struggles with certain things that others don’t struggle with?

The term “OCD” was loosely thrown around at me in counseling during college, as a potential cause of what I was miserably enduring for many years. Other terms that I heard growing up to describe my challenges were, “learning disorder”, “anxiety”, “depression”, “eating disorder”, “gay”, “too picky”, “overwhelming”, “too critical”, and others I’m sure.

Can you imagine being told these things, while knowing in your heart something just wasn’t right?

I knew I didn’t have a learning disorder. I was a fantastic student and graduated from nursing school with great grades!

I knew I didn’t have chronic anxiety or depression. At my core I was passionate, productive, social and full of joy.

I knew I didn’t have an eating disorder. I loved food, enjoyed being healthy, and wasn’t trying to lose weight.

I knew I wasn’t gay. But I couldn’t understand my irrational fears, obsessive and intrusive thoughts, or my obsession over fear of the body when thinking about intimacy.

I knew I wasn’t intentionally being stubborn or picky about the things I was afraid of or uncomfortable with like textures, colors, patterns, or sounds.

I knew that I was overwhelming, but I didn’t want to be.

I knew that I was over critical, but I didn’t enjoy it nor did I want to be.

17 years is a LONG time to wrestle with these challenges. 17 years is a LONG time to feel so misunderstood. 17 years is a LONG time to not have an explanation for what you are struggling with. 17 years is a LONG time to feel isolated.

My opinion, is that this gap–the time it takes a person to be properly diagnosed and treated for OCD–is one of the greatest causes of suicide rates within the OCD community. As mentioned before, we are 10 times more likely to commit suicide than those who do not suffer from this disorder. When was the turning point in my own journey? The moment I learned that my struggles had a name, an explanation, and a treatment plan! That moment was the moment suicide stopped being a continual thought, and HOPE began to fuel every day.

I am still on my healing journey. And honestly, I probably always will be this side of heaven. But I believe that the more I (we) communicate openly about these things, raise awareness, and shorten this gap in the OCD community, the more momentum, power, and HOPE will be injected into our community.

Help me spread this message by following and sharing my social media platforms.

Follow My Instagram
Subscribe to My Youtube Channel