Tag: mentaldisorders

The Future of O.C.D.

Everytime that I hear someone say, “I am SO ready for 2020 to be over”, I quickly reply with, “Well you don’t know what 2021 has in store for us yet!” And while our future is uncertain in regards to what victories and challenges we will face in the new year, we can be certain of a few things.

Today Is The Most Important Day
As special and memorable as the past is, and as exciting and hopeful as the future is, today deserves the most of our attention out of the three. We can’t change or live in the past, and we can’t control or predict the future. But with today, we can utilize what we’ve learned from the past, and form patterns and habits that set us up for a healthy future.

There Will Be Challenges
As long as their is blood pumping through our veins, and air circulating through our lungs, we are at war with the flesh. Whether sickness, death, temptation, disappointment, or trials, we are certain to endure hardship throughout 2021. Knowing this certainty, I find it of utmost importance to spend the remainder of 2020 preparing the mind and spirit for another year of endurance. Just as a military leader prepares their troops for the battle ahead, God gives us resources through His word, prayer, and community that help us prepare for the battle field ahead of us.

Good Can Come From Any Situation
If you’re like me, then you instantly thought of a few situations that surely are incapable of producing anything good. Examples that crossed my mind: A sudden and tragic loss of a child. Watching a loved one suffer and die from cancer. Suffering through a brutal war that leaves one left with PTSD. I could keep going. And though all of these situations are tragic and deserve appropriate grief, I truly do still believe that good can come from any situation. The key is to look for the good in the not so good experiences of life. Not every situation will feel good. But every situation can produce good, even if the good is simply experiencing growth, deepening of community, or an important lesson that is learned.

Let me switch gears for just a moment by saying this,

I DON’T KNOW WHAT 2021 HOLDS FOR MY O.C.D.. BUT I CAN BE CERTAIN OF A FEW THINGS:

Today Is The Most Important Day
I can’t beat myself up over the past struggles of my O.C.D., just as I can’t sit in worry about what a future of living with O.C.D. looks like. What I can do, however, is tap into the strength, self-control, community, and resources that God supplies for me this very day…while trusting that tomorrow will provide a new stream of resources and strength. He always manages to provide just what I need for today. And that’s why I can praise Him for my past victories, learn from past mistakes, and have Faith as I walk into the unknowns of the future.

There Will Be Challenges
The only certainty of 2021, is knowing that I will still have O.C.D.. There will still be challenges and struggles. How I choose to utilize my time right now can greatly determine what shape I will be in mentally, emotionally, physically, and spiritually during those inevitable struggles. I choose to be thankful for the certainty of hardship because at least I can prepare for it now.

Good Can Come From Any Situation
It has taken me several decades to find “the good” in living with a mental disorder like O.C.D. and irrational phobias that consume my mind and day to day life. But like I explained earlier, just because a situation or experience like O.C.D. doesn’t feel good, that doesn’t mean that the experience cannot produce good. Living with and through O.C.D. has given me far more compassion and empathy for others who have disabilities and disorders. Suffering through O.C.D. has created a deeper hope and longing for heaven in me. Fighting through so many years of isolated misery from O.C.D. has taught me the importance and definition of community. 

"Therefore, stop worrying about tomorrow, 
because tomorrow will worry about itself. 
Each day has enough trouble of its own."
Matthew 6:34

Instead of worrying about the uncertainties of a future filled with O.C.D., I choose to embrace what IS certain. Today is the most important day. That’s certain. I will face challenges in the future. That is certain. Good truly can come from any challenge I endure. That is certain.

What certainties will you choose to meditate on in preparation for a new year?

OCD-Created On Purpose

Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

You might have noticed a subtle, yet significant change on my website. But because I’m assuming most of you didn’t catch the change at all, I’ll go ahead and give you the spoiler alert: I changed the subject of this blog from “Living With OCD”, to “Created on Purpose”.

Over the last few months, I have been meditating and praying over the direction of this blog leading into 2021, especially in combination with my newly launched Youtube channel. How could I possibly discuss living with OCD in a way that relates to everyone? And then, it hit me!

The core of everything I have shared up to this point, is founded on one passionate message: Despite our brokenness, despite our limitations, despite our darkness, we were created on purpose and for a purpose. We are our best selves when we are living with purpose. I believe this with everything in me.

This change represents broadening my message to more than just individuals who live with a mental disorder like OCD. I want to speak and share in ways that anyone can relate to.

What will this look like in 2021?

1-Addressing Broader Topics.
I want to go beyond conversations about OCD and cover topics that anyone can relate to.

2-Fostering Deeper Conversations.
My hope is to tackle those questions or thoughts that most try to avoid and dance around, while still occasionally incorporating my own personal journey with OCD.

3-Creating Intentional Content.
I truly want to create a more unified platform that has a tangible direction and message.

I want to thank each of you who have supported this journey in 2020. But honestly, I feel like I am just getting started as I enter the new year with a fresh vision and more intentional content. I hope you’ll continue to follow me into these new and deeper discussions. I can only do so much in this world. But together? Man, we can literally change the world around us.

Will you join me?

OCD and an RV?

What have I gotten myself into?

I have lost count of how many times I have asked myself this question over the last 5 days. It all started with a bold prayer that I wasn’t even quite ready to see in action. “Lord, I want to circle my student loan debt, my desire to adopt a child, and my passion for local and global mission efforts.”

When people say “Be careful what you pray for!”, they must be speaking from experience!

A few hours after this prayer, my Spirit began churning to the point I could not ignore the restlessness in me. Everything I laid at His feet were areas in my life that I could change, improve, and/or surrender. I began thinking about the areas of my life that seem to be so limited by OCD: intimacy/marriage, finances, and connectedness.

The idea of living in a renovated camper had entered my mind many times in the past. But due to my irrational fears, unmanaged OCD, and strict routines inside of my own home, the idea of selling nearly all of my things and living in a small RV just didn’t seem possible. But 7 months into managed OCD, the idea not only felt possible, but it began to feel like the first steps towards achieving the dreams I had laid out before God.

The next day I applied for and was accepted for a small RV loan. Within 24 hours of the loan approval, my dream RV model popped up for sale under budget in the town next to me on Facebook Market. Within 24 hours of seeing that ad pop up, I drove off the parking lot with the RV towing behind my dad’s truck.

What…a…WHIRL WIND. My mind is STILL spinning. Did I REALLY just commit to living in a tiny home that can’t even furnish 2/3 of my belongings? Did I REALLY just commit to breaking my apartment lease without a for sure place to even park the RV? Did I REALLY just commit to an entire life style and environmental change? What have I gotten myself into?!

But the answer is simple, and can be dwindled down to three words: Freedom. Adoption. Connection.

You see, OCD has stripped so much freedom, so much love, and so much connection from me. OCD has deeply affected my finances, my ability to enter a marriage relationship, and even my ability to feel connected to my surroundings. And for longer than I’d like to admit, these limitations controlled my life decisions, and owned my thoughts. But these three words have become my anthem. This anthem will soon begin to unfold as I make this huge change to RV living. Let me explain.

FREEDOM
Having graduated from a small private christian university, my student loans cost more each month than a typical house mortgage. And given the average apartment rent for a studio to one bedroom apartment is minimum $1000/month in my area, the odds of quickly getting out of debt are slim to none. UNLESS…my life style and my environment change drastically. Even the thought of being debt free and experiencing financial freedom inspires me to jump into this change. OCD and all.

ADOPTION
For years I have questioned if I am capable of being healthy in a marriage due to my OCD and how it impacts my ability to process physical intimacy. For years this uncertainty heaped up loads of anxiety, insecurity, and loneliness. UNTIL…God put on my heart the calling of adoption. My life matters. My love matters. My attention and affection matter. And to some sweet child out there, it will be their whole world pieced together to receive these things that I am able to offer someone. Knowing that RV living can help me move into a financially stable place to adopt, inspires me to jump into this change. OCD and all.

CONNECTION
I feel most connected to creation and humanity when I am participating in local and global relief efforts. Traveling and experiencing different cultures as well as nature, by far is when my mind is most at peace and connected to my surroundings. Connecting to my surroundings can be challenging because of the affects OCD has on my mind. So any and every chance I get to connect to my surroundings, I take it! The concept of having a home on wheels that can roam the country with me, and move throughout life as I do, connecting to my surroundings, well..it just about brings me to tears! And inspires me to jump into this change. OCD and all!

OCD might limit me from certain experiences in this life. But I no longer give it permission to control every aspect of my life. OCD cannot have my joy, my peace, my relationships, my purpose, or my dreams. So yes…I choose an RV life, despite OCD.

To follow my RV Life adventures, subscribe to my youtube channel ! You won’t want to miss the entertainment that comes with an OCD individual transitioning to RV living. I assure you.


OCD Awareness Week

Can you imagine going 17 years through life, not knowing why you struggle with your struggles with certain things that others don’t struggle with?

The term “OCD” was loosely thrown around at me in counseling during college, as a potential cause of what I was miserably enduring for many years. Other terms that I heard growing up to describe my challenges were, “learning disorder”, “anxiety”, “depression”, “eating disorder”, “gay”, “too picky”, “overwhelming”, “too critical”, and others I’m sure.

Can you imagine being told these things, while knowing in your heart something just wasn’t right?

I knew I didn’t have a learning disorder. I was a fantastic student and graduated from nursing school with great grades!

I knew I didn’t have chronic anxiety or depression. At my core I was passionate, productive, social and full of joy.

I knew I didn’t have an eating disorder. I loved food, enjoyed being healthy, and wasn’t trying to lose weight.

I knew I wasn’t gay. But I couldn’t understand my irrational fears, obsessive and intrusive thoughts, or my obsession over fear of the body when thinking about intimacy.

I knew I wasn’t intentionally being stubborn or picky about the things I was afraid of or uncomfortable with like textures, colors, patterns, or sounds.

I knew that I was overwhelming, but I didn’t want to be.

I knew that I was over critical, but I didn’t enjoy it nor did I want to be.

17 years is a LONG time to wrestle with these challenges. 17 years is a LONG time to feel so misunderstood. 17 years is a LONG time to not have an explanation for what you are struggling with. 17 years is a LONG time to feel isolated.

My opinion, is that this gap–the time it takes a person to be properly diagnosed and treated for OCD–is one of the greatest causes of suicide rates within the OCD community. As mentioned before, we are 10 times more likely to commit suicide than those who do not suffer from this disorder. When was the turning point in my own journey? The moment I learned that my struggles had a name, an explanation, and a treatment plan! That moment was the moment suicide stopped being a continual thought, and HOPE began to fuel every day.

I am still on my healing journey. And honestly, I probably always will be this side of heaven. But I believe that the more I (we) communicate openly about these things, raise awareness, and shorten this gap in the OCD community, the more momentum, power, and HOPE will be injected into our community.

Help me spread this message by following and sharing my social media platforms.

Follow My Instagram
Subscribe to My Youtube Channel