What have I gotten myself into?
I have lost count of how many times I have asked myself this question over the last 5 days. It all started with a bold prayer that I wasn’t even quite ready to see in action. “Lord, I want to circle my student loan debt, my desire to adopt a child, and my passion for local and global mission efforts.”
When people say “Be careful what you pray for!”, they must be speaking from experience!
A few hours after this prayer, my Spirit began churning to the point I could not ignore the restlessness in me. Everything I laid at His feet were areas in my life that I could change, improve, and/or surrender. I began thinking about the areas of my life that seem to be so limited by OCD: intimacy/marriage, finances, and connectedness.
The idea of living in a renovated camper had entered my mind many times in the past. But due to my irrational fears, unmanaged OCD, and strict routines inside of my own home, the idea of selling nearly all of my things and living in a small RV just didn’t seem possible. But 7 months into managed OCD, the idea not only felt possible, but it began to feel like the first steps towards achieving the dreams I had laid out before God.
The next day I applied for and was accepted for a small RV loan. Within 24 hours of the loan approval, my dream RV model popped up for sale under budget in the town next to me on Facebook Market. Within 24 hours of seeing that ad pop up, I drove off the parking lot with the RV towing behind my dad’s truck.
What…a…WHIRL WIND. My mind is STILL spinning. Did I REALLY just commit to living in a tiny home that can’t even furnish 2/3 of my belongings? Did I REALLY just commit to breaking my apartment lease without a for sure place to even park the RV? Did I REALLY just commit to an entire life style and environmental change? What have I gotten myself into?!
But the answer is simple, and can be dwindled down to three words: Freedom. Adoption. Connection.
You see, OCD has stripped so much freedom, so much love, and so much connection from me. OCD has deeply affected my finances, my ability to enter a marriage relationship, and even my ability to feel connected to my surroundings. And for longer than I’d like to admit, these limitations controlled my life decisions, and owned my thoughts. But these three words have become my anthem. This anthem will soon begin to unfold as I make this huge change to RV living. Let me explain.
FREEDOM
Having graduated from a small private christian university, my student loans cost more each month than a typical house mortgage. And given the average apartment rent for a studio to one bedroom apartment is minimum $1000/month in my area, the odds of quickly getting out of debt are slim to none. UNLESS…my life style and my environment change drastically. Even the thought of being debt free and experiencing financial freedom inspires me to jump into this change. OCD and all.
ADOPTION
For years I have questioned if I am capable of being healthy in a marriage due to my OCD and how it impacts my ability to process physical intimacy. For years this uncertainty heaped up loads of anxiety, insecurity, and loneliness. UNTIL…God put on my heart the calling of adoption. My life matters. My love matters. My attention and affection matter. And to some sweet child out there, it will be their whole world pieced together to receive these things that I am able to offer someone. Knowing that RV living can help me move into a financially stable place to adopt, inspires me to jump into this change. OCD and all.
CONNECTION
I feel most connected to creation and humanity when I am participating in local and global relief efforts. Traveling and experiencing different cultures as well as nature, by far is when my mind is most at peace and connected to my surroundings. Connecting to my surroundings can be challenging because of the affects OCD has on my mind. So any and every chance I get to connect to my surroundings, I take it! The concept of having a home on wheels that can roam the country with me, and move throughout life as I do, connecting to my surroundings, well..it just about brings me to tears! And inspires me to jump into this change. OCD and all!
OCD might limit me from certain experiences in this life. But I no longer give it permission to control every aspect of my life. OCD cannot have my joy, my peace, my relationships, my purpose, or my dreams. So yes…I choose an RV life, despite OCD.
To follow my RV Life adventures, subscribe to my youtube channel ! You won’t want to miss the entertainment that comes with an OCD individual transitioning to RV living. I assure you.
Obsessive. Compulsive. Disordered. 