Romance and O.C.D. Part 4

Through talking with others, I’ve learned that there are a few different types of experiences when it comes to pornography: Those who actively and intentionally sought out pornography out of curiosity or lustful desire. Those who hesitantly followed the peer pressure and joined in while their friends looked at pornography. Those who were apart of making pornographic videos or images. Those who (like me) witnessed pornography by accident.

I believe the “solution” to the damage done to our culture, depends on how a person was exposed to pornography. I want to first digest each possible scenario of exposure, before my final post on this topic, which will discuss the process and path towards healing.

Experience 1: Intentionally Sought Out

I believe that a person who intentionally seeks out pornographic images or videos with intentions to lust, find sexual satisfaction, or due to addictive behaviors, has one or more of the following flawed thoughts:

1- I am lonely. I need to feel connected.
The flaw? Isolating from real people and turning to strangers on a page or screen cannot realistically satisfy true loneliness, especially in the long run.
The risk? Decreased desire for real, in person intimacy. False sense of security. Difficulty navigating in person, real life relationships in a healthy way.

2- I can’t control this urge. I need to see more.
The flaw? Failing to acknowledge that we do actually have control
over our actions, and can in fact redirect our desires and 
thoughts into a healthy outlet. Misunderstanding the deeper
need for spiritual intimacy and fulfillment over the flesh.
The risk? Reckless and impulsive addiction that leads to the need of
more—whether more experiences or more intensity.

3- I am not being satisfied by my partner. I need a release.
The flaw? Assuming your partner would not understand, or is
incapable of growing to learn about your hopes for intimacy.
 The risk? Long-term damage to your real life relationship, because of 
your perceived relationship with the pornographic image or 
video. Bitterness towards your real life partner.

4- I don’t know what I’m doing. I need to watch and learn.
The flaw? Placing too much pressure to be perfect on an area of life 
that is intended to be a lifelong exploration with the one you
love. 
The risk? Neglecting your partner’s desire or ability to learn with you 
together. False expectations, leading to decreased 
satisfaction in real life experiences. 

Experience 2: Caved to Peer Pressure

This experience is a bit tricky. In this case, a person, usually an adolescent, doesn’t fully understand what their peers are participating in, nor do they fully grasp the potential consequences following the experience. They may blindly agree to look at or watch simply out of fear of how others will think about them if they refuse, or maybe even out of innocent curiosity. More times than not, this is how someone begins their path towards destructive addition, or continued curious exploration that damages the mind.

Experience 3: Involved in the Making of Pornography

Whether by choice, or unknowingly, some individuals were a part of a pornographic taping or photograph. The results? Distrust in the opposite or same gender, guilt and shame, false expectations of what true love and healthy intimacy looks like, deeply rooted insecurities, patterns of abuse, and so much more. The repercussions of this experience affect a person’s mental, emotional, spiritual, social, and at times, physical stability and health.

Experience 4: Accidental Exposure

Man does this experience hit home, as this was my personal experience with pornography. Before I even knew what sex was, or the difference between gender anatomy, I experienced pornographic images and videos that would pop up on the computer, or accidentally click links not realizing what the title meant. Then, BAM! Seared into my brain, were images and videos of very crude, at times aggressive, intense, and disturbing displays of sexual activities. No time to shield the eyes, no way to erase from the memory, and no clue how to move forward without long-term damage.

The heart breaking result from this experience, is that when a child is first exposed to the world of sex in such aggressive, explicit ways, and corrupt ways, it can feel near impossible to replace these disturbing, disgusted, and fearful expectations/feelings/thoughts with healthy, innocent, safe, pure, and God intended ones. The joy, pleasure, and excitement of dating, romance, marriage, and intimacy becomes a far fetched idea because of the images that feel like reality. Not to mention any negative experience or conversation in real life towards the subject of intimacy, only makes what was initially experienced feel more like reality.

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How can a young person keep their way pure?
By guarding their way according to God’s word.
Psalm 119:9
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This verse is so true. Guarding ourselves is the main solution to keeping our minds, our hearts, and our perspectives healthy. And while so many of us can help protect our younger generations by implementing this verse, so many of us didn’t even have the opportunity or awareness to guard ourselves from what our culture and world threw at us when we were children. Which is why I believe we desperately need an open and honest discussion on what healing looks like moving forward. I hope you’ll check out my next blog, the final part to Romance and O.C.D.., a look into the path towards healing.