“If it ain’t broken, don’t fix it!”
How many of you have heard that saying from a parent or grandparent in your life time?
I for one heard this saying often while growing up, mostly because I have a natural tendency to want to fix things, even if they don’t need fixing. I believe this saying to be somewhat useful (though of course one could argue “well what if it can be improved?”).
I also find the opposite of the saying to be of value: “If it is broken, fix it!” Don’t just walk away from the broken, don’t ignore the broken, don’t feed into the broken. Fix it, if at all possible.
If you read my last post, Romance and O.C.D. Part 1, then you will know that I believe our culture completely “broke” our healthy, simple, innocent, and natural way of dating, marriage, and intimacy when it shoved accessible pornography in our faces. Did sexual addiction/porn addiction, rape, abortion, affairs, divorce, and sex trafficking exist before this cultural shift? Of course. But not at the devastatingly high rates as they do now.
I want to first acknowledge how this broken part of our culture has effected society as a whole, and then in my next blog post I want to specifically address how this cultural shift has negatively affected many of “us” with O.C.D. (no, I’m not the official O.C.D. spokesperson so I can’t speak for everyone).
Desensitization
Have you ever looked at images of swim suites from the early 1800s? If not, you so should! You’ll get a pretty good kick out of them. Both men and women’s swim suits covered the entire body. Can you imagine how heavy those swim suites would be when wet! What fascinates me most though, is that really until the last 100-150 years, the societal expectation was that people would cover their bodies, respect each other’s physical privacy, and save intimacy for where it belongs: in the bedroom with the one you love.
But now? Visit a public beach and you’ll find pre-teen girls walking around in thong bikinis, as well as young men walking around in tiny speedos, leaving almost nothing for the imagination. I know some may disagree with me on this, but I strongly believe this gradual change is a direct reflection of how our society has been impacted by accessible pornography. We stopped valuing the human body as a prize for the one we love, and became desensitized from the constant exposure of the human body.
The expectation went from being modest, respectful, and private, to being fully accessible at all times to anyone, anywhere.
False Expectations
And speaking of expectations, how can we deny the impact accessible porn has on the expectations within a relationship, and especially within marriage and intimacy. Men and women began expecting certain experiences, certain body types, and certain benefits based off of what they were seeing on paper or on a screen.
Examples: The rise of breast and butt implants, botox, and plastic surgery over the last 50 years has directly increased as pornographic videos and images have become more accessible. Coincidence? I think not. Public stores that all can see, even innocent little children, switched from regular clothes on the displayed mannequins, to kinky lingerie and sex toys on display. Magazines in the check out line went from home decor and cooking tips, to sex tips in big, bold letters. Bridal and groom gifts went from house accessories, financial securities, and spiritual gifts, to sex toys and sex games guaranteed to “keep him/her interested”.
These false expectations have set millions up for devastating blows to self esteem, disappointment, un-fulfillment, isolation, divorce, affairs, and more. All in efforts to achieve what was experienced from the image or video. Real life intimacy with a real person, gradually stopped competing with the instant, but short lived gratification of the fantasy world.
Fantasy Verses Reality
And speaking of fantasy, which sounds more appealing? Being addicted to an image or video of a person who doesn’t know you, doesn’t love you, doesn’t care about you, and can’t provide any real life emotional, spiritual, mental, social, or physical support? Or being committed to a real life human that can show you compassion, forgiveness, encouragement, support, and true, unconditional love? Which sounds happier? A relationship entirely based on lust, or a relationship entirely founded upon true love?
Our culture has been so desensitized by false expectations, that so many would rather isolate themselves to their fantasized addictions, than enjoy a real life, thriving, safe, and committed relationship with someone who deeply cares for them. How sad is that? So many men, and women, throw their real life relationships away in pursuit of these fantasized environments.
Commitment Phobia
And speaking of commitment, when did the following become the “norm”: to live in a fatherless or motherless home, to lose your virginity in middle school, to experience multiple heart breaking divorces, to “accept” that your partner is also sleeping with other people, to abort an unborn child simply so you can continue to have sex with your partner without the commitment of a child.
The whole no commitment thing seems like a dream to so many. Yet so many in return suffer from a drastic increase in anxiety, depression, loneliness, STDs, substance abuse, and more. Still sound like a dream? What accessible porn has created, is a culture that wants instant gratification, with no strings attached, and complete numbness to the consequences of both pursuits. But what I hope our culture will wake up and realize, is that if we continue down the path of abandoning commitment, then we must be prepared to commit to the devastating heart ache and consequences that follow such a life style.
Which would you rather be committed to?
So what now? As we begin to acknowledge the broken, and explore its devastating impact on our generation and culture, where do we even begin to pick up the pieces and fix the broken? I hope you’ll stay with me on this topic this month, so that we can find out together!
Obsessive. Compulsive. Disordered. 