Communicating OCD

I will never forget my first experience with “laughing gas” at the dentist. 

Everyone prepared me beforehand that I would lose the ability to control my laughter once on the medication. I didn’t believe my friends who tried to prepare me that this would happen. I just assumed everyone who reacted in this way was faking a response for attention. Man was I wrong!

In a matter of minutes, I literally could not quit laughing. Internally I knew that nothing funny had taken place, yet I just ..couldn’t..quit! The dentist would say something as simple as, “Ok, hold still!”, and I would burst into uncontrollable laughter. 

I wish I could tell you that inappropriate laughter has only occurred in my life due to laughing gas. But unfortunately, I have cry laughed in the most inconvenient moments: immediately after being reprimanded by an adult, during class lectures, in the middle of worship services (including prayers!), and even during a funeral (like, cry laughed so hard people started handing me tissues because they assumed I was crying for real). 

I’m sure that qualifies me as a terrible human being. But if we are honest, we all have a tendency to express out of place emotions in the most inconvenient times. Often, these expressions stem from nervousness, inability to process, misunderstanding, insecurity, or the inability to relate to/connect with what is taking place. 

When it comes to sharing something as personal as a mental disorder like OCD, or any personal struggle for that matter, we should allow for the recipient to sort through their responses without taking their initial response so personal. At the same time, there should be a level of discernment when it comes to who we choose to share what information with. 

In this post, I want to briefly share possible reactions one might receive when attempting to communicate something as sensitive and personal as battling OCD. My hope is that by sharing this information, those who desire to openly communicate about their struggle (whatever it might be) will feel more confident in how to handle possible responses, as well as for those that are on the receiving end of such personal information might have better awareness of their important role. 

The Insensitive Response

I’m sure any one of my married female friends have encountered a moment of deep vulnerability, in which the husband’s response was more or less, “Just get over it already!”. (I’m sure women have made men feel that way too, I just hear about it far less). 

I believe this response stems from a few possible underlying factors:

1-The inability to relate. Someone who has never internally and deeply struggled with a disorder, disease, or deeply rooted insecurity, will most likely have a hard time understanding the depth of emotion, inner turmoil, and desperate need for comfort, sensitivity, compassion, and safety. 

2-The inability to embrace. For many reasons, some people have a hard time tuning into deep emotions. This could be the environment they were raised in, or even past trauma that has stunted their ability to express and engage in deep emotions. A person who has a wall built up around their own emotional processing, most likely will not fully understand how to embrace your deep emotions/hardships. 

3-The inability to empathize. Quite frankly, some people are just too self centered to actually empathize with someone else’s pain or struggle. 

How to handle this possible response? 

Don’t take it personal. Chances are, this individual is responding in this way due to their own fears, insecurities, or reserved experiences with emotions. There are some who are naturally more compassionate and empathetic than others. Don’t let this response steer you away from opening up to others. At the same time, stop to consider that maybe you need to communicate more clearly and openly for this individual to fully grasp the hardship you are facing.

The Silent Response 

We all know that individual that is the King or Queen of the silent treatment. Most of the time, silence carries a negative connotation and can be mis interpreted as manipulative, insensitive, apathetic, or even uncaring. And though this most definitely can be the motive or intention behind a person’s silent response, there is an alternative factor to consider. 

There are individuals, at times like myself, who take time to process information they are provided with. Some of us need a bit of time to digest the information and carefully produce “the right” response. This can be a good trait. However, from my experience, this can leave the person who was just vulnerable enough to open up, wondering what the silence means. “Are they going to abandon me?” “Are they judging me?” “Are they mad at me?”

How to handle this possible response? 

Speak up! If the silent response leads you down any of those rabbit holes of wondering, verbalize your need for reassurance. A true friend will listen. It’s not wrong to say, “I know that was a lot of information to process. I want you to process it in your own way, but I also just need reassurance that our friendship/relationship is going to be ok despite me sharing this with you?”. This simple step can spare the danger and hurt of false assumptions.

The Disgusted Response

I wish it weren’t so, but there will most likely be individuals who hear you share your struggles, and respond with disgust. “I can’t believe you would think about that!” “I can’t believe you’re struggling with that!” “How could you think/feel/do that?” This is true for any struggle that is brought to light, not just the struggles that come with OCD. 

Some things to consider when this response occurs:

1-No one is perfect. Every single human being on planet earth has a struggle. Some struggles are more external , some are more internal in nature. Some are public, some are secret. Some are mental, while others are emotional, physical, or spiritual. Don’t let this response make you feel inadequate or undeserving of support/compassion. 

2-Struggles can be a powerful tool. Though not everyone will understand your struggle, especially when it involves a mental disorder, you can be assured that every single struggle we endure, can be used as a tool to help other people with similar struggles. Though same may disagree, I believe that not one person struggles in isolation, meaning that someone on this earth has struggled with, is struggling with, or will struggle with, your struggle. 

How to handle this response? 

Know that strength, at times, comes in the form of weakness. What I mean is, no one is perfect. And the person who sits all high and mighty, probably lacks the courage to be vulnerable. So, remember that sharing your weaknesses or struggles, actually is a sign of courage and can lead to healing, helping you become stronger in your weakness. The quickest path to healing is one that involves releasing the darkness we are trapping inside of us.

The Abandonment Response

“A true friend loves at all times” Proverbs 17:17. Nothing weeds out true friends from insincere friends more than sharing your struggles. You’ll find out pretty quick who is in this friendship/relationship unconditionally. And though some individuals may not feel strong enough to carry certain burdens of yours due to their own struggles, a true friend won’t abandon you completely when you share your most intimate struggles. 

So, how do you handle if a person responds to your vulnerability by jumping ship? LET ..THEM..GO! They weren’t a true friend to begin with. I believe quality far out weighs quantity when it comes to friendship. As mentioned in Proverbs 18:24,  “A man with many friends may come to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother”. It’s ok to only have 1, 2 or 3 friends you can trust with the heavy stuff. It’s pretty unrealistic to expect every person to accept your burdens your carry, willingly offering to carry part of that load with you. 

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ So What Now?_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Well, now you take some time to figure out who you can trust to share your thoughts/struggles with. Now you take time to figure out how to word your confessions in a way that’s clear, respectful, but vulnerable and true. Now you approach that friend, or spouse, or family member with a bit more understanding of possible responses you might encounter. The point to all of this is, we as a people have to do better at communicating openly, as well as receiving open communication. 

I believe there is so much room for growth in being a more supportive, compassionate, and encouraging world. It starts with me, and it starts with you!