Myla, pictured above, is my new 10 week old Cavapoo puppy.
Though Myla has so many new puppy quirks, one of my favorites to witness is how jumpy and skittish she is around new objects or sounds. She will be running through the house playing without a care in the world, until a random site or sound sends her running into my arms shaking.
Without fail though, once she gets use to that shadow, or object, or noise, it disrupts her less and less until finally, it doesn’t phase her at all. I know good and well her fears are irrational. But for her in the beginning, they feel so very big, scary, unfamiliar, and real. For Myla, those fears disrupt her playful, carefree moments and send her away shaking and seeking comfort.
OCD is notorious for crippling a person’s mind with irrational fears through disturbing images, obsessive thoughts, and repetitive scenarios that intrude the mind without invite. As discussed in previous blogs, the OCD mind doesn’t naturally have the ability to release such destructive irrational thoughts and fears like most can.
And just like Myla, for us, what happens in our mind, though irrational, feels very big, scary, unfamiliar, and real.
Through my OCD studies and experiences, there are roughly 5 main categories that a person with OCD can become irrationally debilitated by (I know there are more, but these are the most prevalent ones in my personal opinion). In this post, I want to discuss each category to simply give insight to those who may not understand how OCD affects the mind and quality of life.
Fear of Contamination
A non OCD brain can register that though diseases and germs are real, we generally are not affected by them if we take standard precautions. A non OCD brain will go through the day unhindered by the thought of the diseases and germs lingering around. The OCD brain, however, begins vividly visualizing these germs on surfaces, clinging to things and people, obsessing on images of worst case scenarios. These images lead to compulsive behaviors that, in their mind, will prevent contamination from happening.
For example, I once read of a man who was so terrified of road contamination after an accident had occurred, that he would listen to scanners for local wrecks or accidents. Then, in the middle of the night, he would go out and scrub the road after the accident was cleared. For the non OCD brain, that sounds so absurd. For the OCD brain however, his very realistic images of xyz taking place unless he scrubbed the contaminated street, led him to obsess to the point that his sleep habits, ability to cope during the day, and ability to cope at work were disrupted.
Fear of Trauma
A non OCD brain will hear of tragic news, see a disturbing image on television, or experience a traumatic event, and be able to rebound fairly quickly after a healthy amount of time grieving or feeling concerned. The OCD brain, however, will dwell in a state of “doom” almost continually. The OCD brain will begin very vividly imagining tragic scenarios all around them as if they were literally happening.The OCD brain will begin piecing together all of the images, stories, and experiences of tragedy and repetitively playing those scenarios out in their day to day lives. This person goes through each day stripped of joy in their activities, as they obsess over irrational feelings of impending doom, disturbing thoughts, and tragic images.
Fear of Forgetting/Fear of Error
The non OCD brain will stop only for a second, and question, “Did I lock the door this morning?”, only to move on in their daily obligations. The OCD brain, however, will be compelled to leave work multiple times throughout the day to check, and recheck that lock. These obsessions and compulsive responses, deeply disrupt a person’s ability to cope in school, at work, and in day to day activities. The compulsive need to check, and recheck, read and re-read, correct and re-correct, make it near impossible to stay focused on a task, or complete tasks in a timely manner.
Some who struggle with this category, might find themselves performing rituals in order to avoid failure or to reassure themselves that they didn’t forget xyz, or didn’t make an error. Talk about exhausting.
Fear of Letting Go
The non OCD brain can more easily recognize the following: when items need to be discarded or given away, when conversations need to be ended, when an issue needs resolution, etc. The OCD brain however, just…can’t..let..go. This is generally that person who hoards to the point that there is zero room to walk in their house. Or the person who just can’t let go of an offense. Or the person who dwells on a subject for weeks without the ability to just drop it. This person clings emotionally, mentally, physically, and spiritually.
Often times this form of OCD disrupts health, relationships, ability to communicate healthily, and can lead to stress, guilt, shame, isolation, and embarrassment.
Fear of Intimacy
A non OCD brain understands that though physical intimacy and sexual encounters might have very minor discomforts, awkwardness, or challenges, the process is normal, safe, created by God, and pleasurable. The OCD brain, however, will string together irrational expectations, fears, insecurities, or past experiences to create a horror film of images and thoughts in the mind regarding physical intimacy.
For example, the OCD brain may hear a story about rape, or sexual abuse, or minor (normal) pain/discomfort during a sexual encounter, and for months if not years, imagine these scenarios happening around them as if they were taking place in real life. Talk about disturbing and traumatic. What should be pleasant, desired, normal, and safe, becomes a “realistic” horror film in their mind.
As expected, this can lead to anxiety, isolation, depression, loneliness, and even the inability to be intimate or around others who do participate in intimacy as that at times can be a trigger.
The non OCD brain can’t comprehend the depth and level of panic, fear, shame, guilt, embarrassment, or loneliness that grows from these irrational fears, images, and compulsions brought on by the OCD brain. I hope you’ll stay tuned for my next post, which addresses coping mechanisms for these irrational fears/thoughts/images.
There is always hope, even with mental disorders. We should never walk through our inner struggles alone. This blog is one small step toward creating a supportive, open environment that fosters safe conversations, imparts knowledge/understanding, and provides encouragement! If you or someone you know relates to any of these blog posts, I encourage you to subscribe and share. Together, we can walk through struggle!
Obsessive. Compulsive. Disordered. 